In high school, I couldn't wait to go to college. I mean, in college I wouldn't have to deal with all the bullshit drama. People would be mature and responsible. Nope. College was much worse than highschool. Hormones were rampant and people still divided up into more cliques. Emotions were even worse and with so much drinking and sex being involved every body's emotions were getting toyed with here and there.
UGH, I can't wait to get out of college and go to grad school where I don't have to put up with he said she said crap. The professors will be upstanding intellectuals and I will learn so much. Nope. The professors were worse than the high schoolers. He said she said, stab in back, don't talk to them, sit here not there.
Thank God for the working world. Young professionals and a great working team will finally be a place for me to be a real grown up. Nope. He said she said coffee break room gossip. Coworkers getting away with murder and the ever present annoying unhappy coworkers.
At least in motherhood I'll be able to find a group of people who are now raising children, so they are bound to be more mature right? Nope. So far, the group of moms that I have met all secretly talk trash behind each others back and swear that the other mother is killing their children because they let their 2 year old have a bite of chocolate.
So...tomorrow is my birthday and I'm turning 30. I have decided to have no prospectus of what 30+ is going to look like. I'm going to assume that my new group of 30-something people are going to be just as immature as they were in their 20s but will be making larger mistakes with larger consequences. This way I will not be disappointed and hope to actually be impressed a few times.
On a side note. I scheduled myself a spa day for my birthday. Mom's running away.
...and I have 3hrs and 27 mins until my 20s are gone. This is hard man.
I feel the most mature, and the best about myself when I can give others grace...give 'em a break. When I look at myself and realize that I'm not perfect...and so I shouldn't expect others to be either. I can't change others, but I can choose who I share my company with, and who I allow my kids to be with, so I look at the qualities that are most important to me...such as kindness and honesty, or sensitivity and healthy eating...or whatever it is, and try to let all of the other stuff go. Sometimes the backstabbing shit does happen, or you are around someone who's talking about one of your friends. I usually immediately change the subject (sometimes quite abruptly), or I confront it straight on: "You know, she's really a great person who is going through something right now, so I believe in giving people a break once in a while, and don't feel comfortable talking badly about her." I think this makes people feel safer to BE YOUR friend too, because they know that you don't put up with the petty crap. Unfortunately, people are insecure and immature, and so they do the clique-y thing and the nasty talk, even when they have kids...but I hope you will find some companions who suit you this year! Happy 30th!!!
ReplyDeletecould not agree more. I think as I'm getting older I'm realizing more truth in people than I did in my 20s. If you can't trust them, then why bother keeping them around you? So they can be nice to your face but then talk crap about you when you turn around?
ReplyDeleteI think the best quality in a friend is empathy. They may not have ever gone through what you are going through but they can take a step back and think what it might be like can confront you with compassion instead of always thinking about how it affects them.
I'm so through with the "but what about ME" syndrome.
I love my friends dearly and can't wait to see them as soon as I can!
Birthdays will get easier. And hey, having another birthday is always better than the alternative! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday and welcome to a new decade where you feel nowhere near your age.
ReplyDeleteI hope you linger in the moment, especially during the back massage.