Where have I been?

Why haven't you heard anything from me lately?

Well, a few reasons. After putting the kids to sleep I've been trying to spend more quality time with my husband and less time on crack, I mean the internet.

Another reason is, sometimes they say, if you don't have something nice to say...well, each night when I think of something to write about (which I have plenty), I always talk myself out of it because, I'm so tired of looking at negatives.

My final problem is...whiners. Whine, whine, whine. I put up with whining all day from my daughter and then I have to put up with it with my real life friends too. I know everyone has issues and problems, but seriously, does it have to overcome your life? Do we all realize how fortunate we are! The fact that you are even reading this on a computer shows that life ain't so bad.

That comedian that was on TV a few months ago who said, "everything is amazing, yet no one is happy", I feel like screaming that from the top of my lungs every single time I get on the internet and read status updates. "UGH, I hate getting up at 8am for my stupid job...ughhh". You have a freaking job! Congrats!

Anyhoo...as I close this ironical post....bitching and bitching....let me say. Go hug a loved one or a tree, tell the people around you to get out of their funk and please, for the love of God, do something nice for someone else instead of constantly looking inward.

I know I have no room to talk but for the past 2 months I've been trying my best to crawl out of the hole of funkiness that I allowed myself to jump into in Miami. I'm back where I want to be and it's time to make myself happy.

One of my favorite quotes (or sayings, whatever) is that everyone is in the exact situation they want to be in right now. If you truly wanted to be somewhere else in your life you would be there already. True. Think of ANYTHING you want, (besides to have control of the world) and you can have it, but the path to get there may be hard...so instead, we bitch and whine about how we can't have it. boooooo.

I'm trying to extend these life lessons to children in the next few weeks. I'm tired of being their servants. The time has come for them to get a little tougher and do things on their own. Example. This morning my son wanted his sip cup. It was on the counter. He could reach it but instead he just chose to point and grunt. My first reaction was to grab it and give it to him, but I stopped, turned around and kept doing what I was doing. TEN minutes of screaming and pitching a fit and he finally grabbed it himself. I don't want lazy children.

And on that note, I'm going to clean my house and then go to the park. Because, I want a clean house and to smell the air.

Bad poster

I haven't been posting as frequently lately because again, I'm finding myself wiped out at the end of the day. Both of the kids (and me!) are sick right now with "the crud". Fevers and runny noses, up all night because no one can breathe. Yippee.

So instead of a long story. Here are a few short ones.

Lily woke up crying hard last night and wouldn't stop. After over an hour of holding her and trying to get her to calm down and go to sleep nothing was working. I finally turned on her light and she looked right at me and said "HI!". I said, Lily, that's enough, it's time to go night-night. She looked at her crib, looked and me and said, "nnnnnno." That's when I left her in there to figure it out.

I was at the grocery store today and I was in the juice/salad dressing aisle. I was picking up a bottle of red wine vinegar when I heard a lady behind me. She was letting her 7 year old child (I'm guestimating based on his size) ride in the little kid car - cart. He was crammed in there all hunched up. He said, MOM! Can we get... She stopped him before he could finished and said, "no mikey, chemicals, that's all that's in there. Nasty, badforyou chemicals, we don't eat disgusting chemicals. They are bad for you and it's dangerous to drink them. We only drink organic drinks."

You know what she was talking about? Capri Suns. It was obvious she was talking at me. You know how people do this sometimes. Have a loud conversation for your benefit. She even glanced my way to make sure I was listening to her rant.

If you know me, you know what I did next. Making sure she saw me, I grabbed a box, put it in my cart and walked passed her with my two toddlers. Smiling the whole way. I don't even like Capri suns. Thinking back I should have told her that "water" is also a chemical.

well, I've got more but guess what...it's 10pm, and I got two babies already crying...another long night...

Exhausted

Last night I had to pack my son in the car at his bedtime and travel to Plano for his sleep study. I have not been over preparing for this adventure because I knew it was not going to turn out anything like I planned. Wasn't that the truth.

I expected some resistance, I expected a long night but I was in no way prepared for what was about to happen.

We arrived, filled out paperwork, my son watched some TV - sort of excited at this little pleasure (staying up way past bedtime and watching the tube). Then Ronny came in. I don't know Ronny's real name but I decided that was a good name for him, he never introduced himself so I was just left to pick one.

Ronny was the polysomnogramographer. He was going to be our sleep technician all night long and he seemed to either really like his job, or be really apathetic about it. I couldn't tell, he was stoic and had zero personality. He had my son sit on the bed and he started attaching "stickers" to his body, his chest, his arms, his legs. So far, everything was going well, my son was entranced in a TV coma and didn't care what was happening to him.

Ronny hooked all the wires up to the stickers, secured them behind him and wrapped it all up. Then he started degreasing my son's head. I asked what he was doing and he said he was going to put the leads on my son's head for the EEG. I said, are you kidding? Aren't we going to wait until he's asleep? He said, no ma'am we do it now. I shrugged and said, ok...

Hell broke loose. My son did not like the wires, wax or glue being stuck in his hair and face. He ripped off each lead that Ronny attempted to put on him. Ronny calmly just did it again and again and again. After 20 minutes of this game I finally lost patience and said, this isn't working, we need a new plan! (I hate it when people repeat things that don't work, hence, why I found lab work utterly frustrating and crazy).

He said, well what do you want me to do? I said, I'm not sure but he's getting more and more upset and he will not give up, I promise you. He said, ok...then I need you to restrain him. ...sigh.

Anyone who has had to restrain their child knows how difficult this is. You do it because you know it's best for them but it kills you on the inside. I've had to restrain my son way more times than I care to remember. Namely when he was in the hospital at 4 months old getting tubes shoved up his nose and down his throat, and IV's getting poked at multiple times. But, I did what we had to do. I held him in my lap, crossed his arms across his chest and used all my might to hold my very strong 32 pound 19 month old toddler.

After 15 minutes of screaming, lips turning blue, hives, kicking, biting and all sorts of HELL, he finally told me he finished. I let my son go and ....he ripped them all off his head in less than 5 seconds. I started crying. Ronny told me we needed to start again. Again, I restrained him, he freaked out so much he was foaming at his mouth and his eyes were rolling around his head as he let out animalistic noises. I was in tears the whole time. Ronny finished, he wrapped my son's head in gauze again and right before he finished my son passed out. He was breathing normally so I wasn't worried but I'm not sure if he passed out from exhaustion or lack of oxygen.

We shut out the lights and I sighed a huge relief, ready for the sleep study to start. 15 minutes in, my son woke up with arms flailing and a horrific scream. I reinserted his pacifier and he collapsed once again. 15 minutes later, same thing...3 more times he did this and then was finally "asleep". An hour went by and I was thinking all was well. It was 1:21am and I was about to try and curl up on my couch to get a few winks. As soon as I shut my eyes, I hear my son start to dream. Moaning, fidgeting, flopping, and kicking. Then I heard it BEEP BEEP BEEP, his kicking set his pulse/ox monitor off and the beeps woke him up. He sat up and when I hit the silent button, he collapsed back down. I fixed the lead and 5 minutes later, BEEP BEEP BEEP, up again.

This went on for an hour. I finally got Ronny and told him this was bullshit and because the damn machine is in the room, my son can't sleep through it's beeping. He took the pulse/ox off and left. 10 minutes later, my son kept dreaming, he flipped and turned so much I heard snaps, I turned on my cell phone light only to discover he had wrapped himself up in his wires and pulled half of them out of the receiver box. I got Ronny again.

We tried to untangle the wires (some of which had wrapped around his neck) and my son woke up fully. He remembered the crap on his head and yanked the gauze and wires off with one swift motion. At 3am, I was in tears again. The tech told me I had to restrain him again. My son started freaking again and started to yell MAMA MAMA MAMA. I couldn't do it again.

I told Ronny no. He said I could go home if I wanted and "give up", but we don't get our money back for a "failed" test. I told him to let my son fall back to sleep and we would try to put the wires back on when he was sleeping. He said, ok.

My son finally fell back to sleep at 4:30am (in the meantime he took delight in trying to pull the wires off his legs, arms, chest, back, etc), I was completely exhausted and doing anything to get him to sleep. As soon as he would start to drift, he'd jolt awake and start to fight his body wires again. At 4:50am, Ronny reentered and tried to put the wires back on, however, he did not do this quietly. He ripped the tape off the roll, cleared his throat a few times (Ronny had a cold..awesome), he only got 2 on before my son woke back up and ripped those two off.

Ronny left and came back at 5:15am and put the pulse/ox monitor back on his toe. At 5:30am, he came back and told us the time of the test was over and we needed to go. I silently put up our stuff, and woke my NOW sleeping son and draped him over my shoulder. We left, came home and when I tried to put him in his crib he screamed out for me with complete fear. I laid with him for a while and he finally woke up for the day at 10:30am.

So...a sleepless night. A little over an hour of information (who knows if that is enough) a tired son and a check written for 700 bucks. What an awful awful night.

In a "shut up Val" note, Ronny told me that Z did well for his age because he is used to working with autistic and downs toddlers with sleep apnea. Ronny said it normally takes 3 or 4 visits before they get any data on those kids. Poor kids, poor parents.

Unconditional love

Children have an early understanding of unconditional love. While I should probably take it as flattery, it leaves me scratching my head most of the time. Why are my children so pleasant and good to other people? Why do they kick, bite and hit me?

It's because they know mom will ALWAYS be there for them and no matter what they do, I'm going to love them. This, unfortunately, gives them a power that they are not ready to understand yet.

The same goes with behavior between the two of them. They are not nice to each other. In fact, they are down right mean. Yet when we go to the park, they are the sweetest children to other kiddos. In fact, at playschool, the two days they have been there the teachers have commented on how involved and attentive they are to the other children's needs. They're nice to other people because they need to gain love and acceptance. They're mean to mommy and each other because they can be.

Quite a negative take on human behavior. Treat others well to gain things, treat those close to us like crap because we can. I find myself doing it from time to time. Those closest to me are those most likely to get my wrath at the end of a bad day. My best friend and I are terrible friends to each other. We forget to return calls, miss birthdays, show up late, because we know we will always be there for each other and no amount of screwing up will shake our relationship. Not very fair huh.

Well, mom has finally got some cuddles. Since the birth of my children, I have been dreaming of the day when they would willingly lay in my lap and snuggle up with me. I am a cuddlebunny by nature so I've been wanting some bunnylove back from my babies. Yet, it never happened. I'd try to wrangle one into my lap and they'd struggle with all their might to escape and go do something more productive. Even at night when I'm putting them to bed, they shoot down my snuggles. My son would even point to his bed after I would insert his pacifier for the night. "Mom, over there please, you're crowding my personal space, and I've had a long day."

Yesterday, I took both my children to playschool and left them there. They got to see mom drop them off in a strange place with strangers, turn her back and disappear. What a weird experience it must have been for them. But, after picking them up and returning home, I had two of the sweetest children I have ever seen. They were nice to me, didn't fight diaper changes, played well together, even helped clean up the kitchen (slopping a dishcloth across the table in a swirling motion). Who were these children!

Today, the same thing. After returning home, I had the joy of sitting on my couch, a baby snuggled under each arm with heads leaning on my chest as we watched some TV. My dream had finally come true. All my babies wanted to do today was snuggle and be as close to mom as possible.

Was it the realization that mom can and will leave you that did it? Is that what finally snapped some appreciation into them? Is this why children who attend daycare always seem so much happier and nicer to their parents than stay-at-home kids? It's possible.

All I know is I'm loving it. My son even gave me an unsolicited kiss right on the cheek tonight. First time ever. My daughter grabbed my hand and put it on her head asking me to play with her hair (my favorite thing when I was little too). Playschool is working out. Either that or the threat of mom dropping them somewhere and never returning has entered their little minds.

Demand vs. Put Down vs. Cry It Out

IMO, there are 3 ways to deal with a crying child that either wakes in the middle of the night (not for hunger) or refuses to go to bed. 1. Demand - Whatever the baby/child needs you give them, (as a form of comfort, not talking about food) 2. Pickup/Putdown or just Putdown 3. Cry it out.

1. Demand is the easiest of all three of these (emotionally) but the most exhausting and frustrating. This is probably what all of our grandmothers did and it can result in some sleepless nights. I believe demand is appropriate for a sick child. I have "done" demand many times in the past 19 months but only when I felt the crying was out of their control. A tooth is coming in, a fever, sore throat, you name it I will hold, sway, do all those things in Johnson and Johnson commercials.

But I will say that due to a very strict pact my husband and I made between us after 3 months, the babies have never come into bed with us. It can make for VERY long nights.

When we're so exhausted and just want to lay down, we'll usually sit in the chair in their rooms (big comfy fluffy ones) and just sit them on our chest for a bit.

2. Pickup/Putdown (Putdown) - This is a Baby Whisperer thing. She suggests this method for all unexpected wakings or bedtime refusals. I never did pickup/putdown...only "putdown".

Pickup/putdown consists of picking your child up when they are crying and the moment they stop you put them back down in the crib. Over and over until they finally get the hint and go to sleep. Both of my children weigh way too much for this little exercise. So I have followed the modified version of Putdown. Which means, the child sits up or stands up, you lay them back down, over and over.

I will say that this method is very effective but you have to be committed to it at the beginning of your try. You also have to throw your temper out the window. If you forcefully hold your child down or slam them down on the mattress (trust me you can get to this rage point!) the whole method is ineffective because you use fear instead of persistence.

I use this method when I feel it is emotionally appropriate. Did they have a bad day, did they miss a scheduled nap due to my schedule, did they fall at the park or get beat up by their sibling...things like that.

I don't want to leave them when they are feeling vulnerable but I don't want to coddle them either. This method is perfect for that. It says, "look, I know you're upset, and I'm not going anywhere until you fall asleep but I'm not going to hold you all night long either, so just relax, I'm here, go to sleep."

I had to use this method tonight. It was their first day at playschool. Talk about emotional turmoil for a toddler. Unexpectedly, my daughter, who cried all day, went right to sleep. My son, who was the star of the school and had all the ladies wrapped around his finger, went ballistic when I put him in his crib.

I bent down and gave him a long hug until he calmed down and then laid him down. He didn't like that idea so much. Round and round we went, every time he stood up, I'd lay him back down. up, down, up, down, up, down...the whole time he's screaming MAMA! (yank at your heart). Finally, after 20 minutes and 2 toned arm muscles, he gave in and laid flat. I put my hand on his back and waited until he drifted deeply away (snoring) and left the room.

3. Crying it out. I use this method most often. There have only been 3 occasions that it has been one of those long drawn out sessions (like you see on Supernanny) and it was all when they were much younger and we were having to "train" them what bedtime means. Most of the time now, they don't cry longer than 10 minutes.

This method is the most effective and the quickest fix for sleep issues when bodily health or emotional health is not involved. It also helps you get to know your child. What do the cries sound like, what do they mean, what is the "peak" of their cry (meaning how intense do they go). All this information gives you a road map to their waking.

My daughter will start with a muffled whine, progress to a cry, reach a loud long wail for about 15 seconds, it drops off to a whine, then silence, followed by two short whines about 30 seconds apart, then it's silent. This is her pattern.

I know when I hear this pattern she's fine, there's nothing wrong, she's just protesting sleep (I wanna play some more!). When this pattern differs a huge amount, it's a signal that something may be wrong. A tooth coming in? She's soaked through her diaper, she's too hot/cold, if it goes longer than 20 minutes or is super intense from the beginning, we go check on her and fix whatever ails her. If it's something bad (tooth, fever) we'll do what we need to do to get her back to sleep. If she's had a bad dream we'll do Putdown. If she's just mad at the world and doesn't want to sleep (ie stuffed animals are flying at my face) we just walk back out and leave her to herself.

So that's the deal-e-o with me. Of course, everyone is different and knows their own child best. But I have a notification email that gets sent to me when people search on google for things and end up at my blog. Recently, there have been a lot of "sleep problems" or "bedtime battles" searches that land people here so I just thought I'd throw up this editorial. Not as fun as a crazy lady story, but hopefully will help someone who lands here.

Mom moment

We had been trapped inside all day and a walk to the park was highly unlikely due to the frigid wind. So I fell back on my old stand by of just getting into the car and going somewhere.

Most of the time we end up in a drive thru or a local Starbucks. Today, I decided to do the drive thru Starbucks. I needed coffee and the kids needed to split a piece of delicious marble cake. I loaded them in the car and all seemed well.

As I drove towards my local commercialized coffee chain (hey I have giftcards!), I saw a sign for the library. I had meant to go there the other week for story time but things got hectic and I didn't make it. I wanted to know where it was so the next time I try to make it, I won't be craning my neck to try and locate it.

I followed the signs and was impressed by the size of the building. It's no Dallas Public Library, but it's a nice size. As we were leaving the parking lot and I was dreaming of my latte, I heard my daughter make some weird whines.

My daughter whines all the time, so whining is nothing new. Sometimes I think it's her way of humming. But, the whine had a strange sound to it. It was more of a whine-moan. I stopped at the stop sign and looked back in her direction. She didn't look well and said "mama?"...then she unleashed unholy hell in the back seat.

Vomit spewed from her mouth and hit the back of the passengers seat. It was all over her clothes, the car seat, the floor boards, everywhere. After she finished she looked at me and almost smiled. She looked relieved, but then, she looked down and saw the horror all over her clothes.

My daughter is genetically a neat freak. I try to hide my freakiness, but there's no denying it. You should see my lab notes, file folders etc. My daughter likes things in order and clean. When dirt gets on her hands at the playground she will stand up and wipe them off as quickly as possible or run to me, hands outstretched.

So as she looked down and saw the horrific mess she just threw her arms open and went "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Looking back I can now laugh because it was an "OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!" type of scream. My reactions were all over the place. Sweet Jesus look at all that mess! Oh my are you ok? What the hell happened? Why does this stuff always happen when your dad is out of town? Why does your brother not even care and is staring out the window?

I didn't know what to do first, so I just did what my gut said to do. Get home as fast as possible. Trying to do a quick clean up was impossible so I floored it all the way home. I got her in, gave her a bath, cleaned out the chunks from the clothes, washed myself, changed my clothes and took a deep breath.

My daughter laid on my lap all night and had no interest in eating any dinner. She's either caught a bug, or is guilt tripping me because tomorrow is her first day of playschool. If she gets sick again I'll keep her home tomorrow, but if not, sorry baby you're going to school.

yes. yes I will.

I don't normally watch TV shows for pure eye candy. I make sure they have some plot (ie Lost) but I am now hooked on "White Collar" on USA for only one reason. Matthew Bomer. Oh my lord.

He's hot. He's smart. He's funny and ...he wears a fedora. Seriously. The whole episode all I hear is waaa waa waaah waah wah like the teacher from Charlie Brown. I just stare at his eyes the whole episode.

He's from Spring, Texas too. Maybe he comes to Texas a lot and maybe we'll meet by chance and he'll run away with me. Oh...were those my internal personal thoughts coming out?

Hot damn boy.