1. Demand is the easiest of all three of these (emotionally) but the most exhausting and frustrating. This is probably what all of our grandmothers did and it can result in some sleepless nights. I believe demand is appropriate for a sick child. I have "done" demand many times in the past 19 months but only when I felt the crying was out of their control. A tooth is coming in, a fever, sore throat, you name it I will hold, sway, do all those things in Johnson and Johnson commercials.
But I will say that due to a very strict pact my husband and I made between us after 3 months, the babies have never come into bed with us. It can make for VERY long nights.
When we're so exhausted and just want to lay down, we'll usually sit in the chair in their rooms (big comfy fluffy ones) and just sit them on our chest for a bit.
2. Pickup/Putdown (Putdown) - This is a Baby Whisperer thing. She suggests this method for all unexpected wakings or bedtime refusals. I never did pickup/putdown...only "putdown".
Pickup/putdown consists of picking your child up when they are crying and the moment they stop you put them back down in the crib. Over and over until they finally get the hint and go to sleep. Both of my children weigh way too much for this little exercise. So I have followed the modified version of Putdown. Which means, the child sits up or stands up, you lay them back down, over and over.
I will say that this method is very effective but you have to be committed to it at the beginning of your try. You also have to throw your temper out the window. If you forcefully hold your child down or slam them down on the mattress (trust me you can get to this rage point!) the whole method is ineffective because you use fear instead of persistence.
I use this method when I feel it is emotionally appropriate. Did they have a bad day, did they miss a scheduled nap due to my schedule, did they fall at the park or get beat up by their sibling...things like that.
I don't want to leave them when they are feeling vulnerable but I don't want to coddle them either. This method is perfect for that. It says, "look, I know you're upset, and I'm not going anywhere until you fall asleep but I'm not going to hold you all night long either, so just relax, I'm here, go to sleep."
I had to use this method tonight. It was their first day at playschool. Talk about emotional turmoil for a toddler. Unexpectedly, my daughter, who cried all day, went right to sleep. My son, who was the star of the school and had all the ladies wrapped around his finger, went ballistic when I put him in his crib.
I bent down and gave him a long hug until he calmed down and then laid him down. He didn't like that idea so much. Round and round we went, every time he stood up, I'd lay him back down. up, down, up, down, up, down...the whole time he's screaming MAMA! (yank at your heart). Finally, after 20 minutes and 2 toned arm muscles, he gave in and laid flat. I put my hand on his back and waited until he drifted deeply away (snoring) and left the room.
3. Crying it out. I use this method most often. There have only been 3 occasions that it has been one of those long drawn out sessions (like you see on Supernanny) and it was all when they were much younger and we were having to "train" them what bedtime means. Most of the time now, they don't cry longer than 10 minutes.
This method is the most effective and the quickest fix for sleep issues when bodily health or emotional health is not involved. It also helps you get to know your child. What do the cries sound like, what do they mean, what is the "peak" of their cry (meaning how intense do they go). All this information gives you a road map to their waking.
My daughter will start with a muffled whine, progress to a cry, reach a loud long wail for about 15 seconds, it drops off to a whine, then silence, followed by two short whines about 30 seconds apart, then it's silent. This is her pattern.
I know when I hear this pattern she's fine, there's nothing wrong, she's just protesting sleep (I wanna play some more!). When this pattern differs a huge amount, it's a signal that something may be wrong. A tooth coming in? She's soaked through her diaper, she's too hot/cold, if it goes longer than 20 minutes or is super intense from the beginning, we go check on her and fix whatever ails her. If it's something bad (tooth, fever) we'll do what we need to do to get her back to sleep. If she's had a bad dream we'll do Putdown. If she's just mad at the world and doesn't want to sleep (ie stuffed animals are flying at my face) we just walk back out and leave her to herself.
So that's the deal-e-o with me. Of course, everyone is different and knows their own child best. But I have a notification email that gets sent to me when people search on google for things and end up at my blog. Recently, there have been a lot of "sleep problems" or "bedtime battles" searches that land people here so I just thought I'd throw up this editorial. Not as fun as a crazy lady story, but hopefully will help someone who lands here.
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