It ain't all true until the ELISA says so...

Spontaneous CSF Leak

Went to the doctors office, we talked, he looked, he bent my head over and collected the clear fluid that streamed out of my right nostril with ease and my CT scan is scheduled for next Wednesday. I hope this is a short road. The doctors words of "sorry hun" were not that comforting.

Life lessons

They came too late for me. Sadly my mommy never taught me, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. In fact, it was more like, if you've got something to say, speak up!

I'm starting to think the former advice would have been better. See, the thing with me is, you can pretty much say anything to me and I will either rationalize it or make a joke out of it. What's funny is I get more angry at people for NOT saying something to me when they think it.

So what am I getting at? I am trying my best to learn to not be a bully. I have to understand that some people can not roll with the punches like I do. In fact, a punch to them may be just the thing they didn't need or couldn't handle. I'm not like that because I pride myself in proving I can handle anything, much to my own demise...

Nonetheless. I need to work harder at it. I need to think before I speak, I need to pause before I type things out, I am in fact a bully most of the time. Maybe it was my mommy's fault, maybe it was because I had nothing but guy friends for a long time, but I have to realize that people can't handle the punches like I can.

Because no one cares

Introduction:

Ever since I got sick with what I believe to be food poisoning, I have had clear fluid draining from my right nostril (only). In addition I've had splitting headaches and a general feeling of blah. Upon mentioning this phenomenon to an ENT, she referred me to a otolaryngologist in downtown Dallas. She was concerned it could be cerebral spinal fluid (CSF) leaking out of my nose even though I've had no traumatic injuries. Her conclusion was it was better to be safe than sorry and check it out.

Hypothesis:

Because this appointment is two weeks away and I'm impatient, especially since we're dealing with my freaking brain here, I decided to run a home test. The clinical test involves testing the provided fluid for the presence of beta-2-transferrin and glucose (5-50mg/dL) both exclusive to CSF and not other mucuosal secretions. Therefore, I intend to use over the counter glucose clinic strips to determine the likelihood that the shit dripping from my nose is fucking CSF.

Materials:

Positive control: Chick-Fil-A Coca-Cola, negative control: filtered water, Sample: freaking damn liquid from my nose (freshly collected by inverting my head for approximately 5 seconds and then bringing it upright and catching the junk), Clinicstix (sensitivity of 50mg/dL), paper towel, camera, time.

Results:

Test strips were placed in all three liquids at the exact same time. Time configuration was as instructed per package directions. Positive control revealed dark intensity as expected. Negative control showed no color change as expected. Sample provided indicated a slight color change when compared to negative control and chart on the Clinicstix package. Above picture shows sample strip placed upon container, the orange and green spectrum from the fluorescent light makes colors bland. Below picture shows strips in this order: Positive control, Negative control, Sample

Discussion:

Although the color change was slight, it was still a change and not exactly what I was hoping for in this experiment. The camera and the green fluorescent lighting also did not provide the ideal backdrop for the pictures taken and if the test is repeated I will use sunlight which has a more white spectrum and will show what was visible to the naked eye.

In addition, the concentration of glucose in CSF can be as low as 5mg/dL up to 50mg/dL in the average Joe. The minimum sensitivity of the Clinicstix test is 50mg/dL, therefore it is possible that the test strips may not provide the accuracy that is needed. But since I don't have a centrifuge to concentrate my sample, nor do I have a mass spectrophotometer hanging around, this is going to have to do until now.

The test did not however show an immediate dark color, such as the positive control, therefore I did not drive my ass to the ER and bust down the door screaming, my brain fluid is leaking!!!!

But, if I can not hold out another two weeks, this event may occur. In closing, this test was an excellent way to kill some naptime time and is what happens when my husband goes to play golf and leaves his nerdy wife home alone.

9:13

I have a small problem that follows me around. It's name is 9:13. It seems like whenever I look at a clock, the time is 9:13. I realize this event only happens twice a day, however the damn time follows me wherever I go. Each time I see it, it sends chills down my spine because I don't know what the metaphysical world is trying to tell me.

Will something tragic happen at 9:13 in my life. Should I stay indoors all of September 2013?

Every September 13th, I promise you I am on guard.

What do you want 9:13...why do you follow me.

**the blurry picture is from a trip to NY in 2006 that I took with my parents. We were walking down the street and I looked up to find 9:13 staring down at me. I exclaimed, you gotta be freakin' kidding me. I showed it to my mom, explained to her about my 9:13 haunting and she told me it was all a random coincidence. uh huh.

My honeymoon

You may or may not know this but I had a horrible honeymoon. My wedding was all a blur because none of my friends kindly got married before me so none had any advice to offer up. I had to learn everything the hard way and was convinced I needed a bouquet of Lily of the Valley or else my marriage would fail.

My wedding stressed me the hell out. It was awful. I couldn't fit into my wedding dress on my wedding day. If you look at my pictures I look like I'm suffocating. Why? Because I'm in physical pain. Thank you for the excellent seamstress who put all the boning in, sorry I gained 10 freaking pounds from the time of my final fitting to the day of my wedding.

So why was my honeymoon so awful? Well, my husband said he would plan it. And like a man, he planned a place for us to go and how to get there. Once we got there he was like, "so what do you want to do?" I said, "well what did you plan for us to do?" He said, "oh, nothing". All of the excursions were booked up he hadn't looked at the area so we had no idea what was down the road and we had no transportation. Ok, details. But here's really why my honeymoon sucked.

Not only was I on my period, but I had a UTI because I was passing another kidney stone. Awesome!

I was also so exhausted from my wedding stress extravaganza (ps we lost our reception place 3 months before the wedding) that I slept the entire week we were there. My husband likes to joke about it but it's the truth. I think there are only two pictures of me conscious during our stay, every other picture is of me sleeping at some location at the resort.

The icing on my shit honeymoon was brought to me by the Animal Planet en Espanol. While lying in bed half awake at 2pmish I was surfing through the channels (because we had nothing freaking planned to do) and I came across a program about Hippos. I love animals, I love hippos, so I was intrigued.

I nestled down and started watching. This was a documentary following a bloat of hippos (ya I freaking know that!). A mama hippo had just given birth and they were documenting the rest of the bloat accepting the baby hippo. They showed the baby nursing on it's mom, they showed the mom nuzzling her little baby. After a few weeks it was time for the mom to bring the baby to the bloat and introduce her little bundle of joy.

Mama bring in the baby and the other hippos circle around it. The baby hippo is having a good time splashing with all of its aunts and uncles and the mama is right next to it and I swear she was smiling. THEN a bitch aunt of the hippo comes between mama and her baby. The group gathers around the baby and starts tearing at it with their huge fucking teeth and jump on top of it pushing it underwater. The baby is screaming for it's mom, the mom is screaming for it's baby and after a few minutes, everything is quiet and you see the baby float to the top of the blood filled water.

The other hippos nonchalantly swim away and the mama is left their to nuzzle and grieve over baby. She stayed with her baby for almost two days bellowing out the saddest moans and cries you've ever heard, before finally leaving it to go rejoin the group. The closing remarks were, "and the bloat had decided to not accept the baby into their family." Cue music and The End.

What. The. Fuck. Now picture me, emotional and in pain, sitting up in bed with my mouth open and tears streaming down my face. My husband walked in and asked what was the matter (very concerned) I told him they killed the baby, they fucking killed the baby. Right in front of the mama. He turned to the TV terrified thinking it was a human and he said...The Rhinos? Why are you watching Animal Planet?!?

I ran out of the room, got another drink and sat on the beach in my misery thinking about the poor baby hippo.

I can never look at hippos the same again