I went to the Brazos Valley Animal Shelter and perused through the kitten aisles. I looked down the way and saw this little fuzz ball with her paws clamped onto the wire cage door, screaming her head off. I went to her and opened the cage. She instantly snuggled up to my neck and started purring. Her original name was "Patches" and she had a brother and a sister in the cage with her.
I had a friend lie about being my landlord on the phone so that I could take her home. I moved to Houston the very next day after she was fixed and took her staples out myself. She was the sweetest cat I had ever met in my life. All she wanted to do is snuggle and couldn't wait for me to get home each night from Urban Outfitters, where I worked for rent money before grad school started.
She's always been there for me. When we were trying to have a baby, I would hold her at night and she would snuggle up beside me letting me know it would be ok. When I was pregnant she would sit on top of my growing belly and jerk unexpectedly when one of them would kick.
Once the babies were born she kind of got put on the back burner. Even though all of our focus was on our two new cute kittens she still tried her best to be with us as much as possible. Both kids are pretty rough on her, pulling her tail, yanking at her hair and whatnot but she has never lost her temper, only looked at me with a "help me!" face.
So tonight, during dinner I noticed she wasn't sitting on the couch in her normal spot. In fact, she was no where in the living room. I went through the house and couldn't find her anywhere. I searched and searched when it hit me. The sliding door to the backyard had been open most of the day. Bailey has never tried to escape so I've never worried about it. But, today was different.
I'm trying so hard to find a house and take care of moving things while taking care of two toddlers with a husband out of town. The weather has been beautiful so I let the kids go from the living room to the backyard while I sit here at the computer and search. It's nice because I can check on them but also get stuff done. Anyway, it didn't occur to me that Bailey might escape. She's pretty lazy but I'm sure the all day open door was more than inviting.
Then it hit me. Bailey had come up to me at the computer to rub against my leg. I ran my hand down her back and kept pouring through house picture after picture, then she walked off.
I had the flash memory of my daughter running up to me moments later saying "AHPPUL AHPPUL!!" which is her name for cats. At the time I thought she was just trying to tell me that there was a cat outside. There is always a cat outside. I smiled at her and said, yes baby, a kitty and returned back to these damn houses.
Then my daughter ran off, looking at me very strangely before she headed back out the door. Thinking back, my stomach dropped. My baby girl was trying to tell me that Bailey, her Apple, was walking out the back door, and I wasn't listening.
Nowhere to be found. I started getting more and more frantic. It was now dark outside so I grabbed a flashlight. I saw eyes shining back at me in the bushes. But, there were 4 eyes. I walked over and it was two of my neighbors street cats. They ran away and that's when I lost it. Bailey's a wimp. She has no front claws. She's defenseless and would lose severely against the roaming gang of cats next door. I came back inside and cried. And cried.
I gave the kids baths, put them to bed with tears in my eyes the whole time. I was shocked that they didn't even notice that mom was upset. But, I was completely numb. The thought ran through my head as why mom's take xanex and whatnot. It was so much easier to put the kids to bed tonight feeling numb. Their behavior didn't even affect me and bedtime was a breeze.
Anyway. All I could think was: My baby is gone. My heart hurts and I kept thinking about how I'm going to find her. Mauled by a dog. Limping and bleeding but I can't get to a vet because I'm all by myself and don't even know where a 24 hr cat hospital is in this damn town. Would I just have to throw the kids in the car half asleep to get her help? Is she scared. Is she lonely. If she doesn't die is she going to catch Feline Leukemia or FIV from one of those nasty stupid cats out there. I can't breathe.
For the past hour I have been scrambling around outside with a flashlight digging through brush and even saw a snake. I didn't even think about snakes. She could be bitten and laying somewhere twitching.
I came inside and went into my bedroom, still red faced and crying. I put on my sweatpants and threw my jeans on the bed. My jeans moved and from beneath came a uumhhh sound. I ripped off the covers and there was a little flattened kitty, sleepy eyed and confused. She had been asleep under my covers the whole time. Earlier, I had checked the bed but saw no lumps. We have a pillow top mattress and I guess she's so fat she sunk down into the pillow top thus eliminating the lump. My heart exploded in joy and I was so happy to see her.
For a few hours tonight I started coming to grips with the death of my cat. I felt like throwing up and the idea was killing me from the inside. I felt so much pain over a cat. How does any parent ever deal with the loss of a child?!?
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