I miss sleep.

It's called insomnia. I used to be a good sleeper. And then my babies were born. I hoped that my sleeping would return to normal once they started sleeping through the night. It has not. Instead my thyroid hates me. It starts the same each night. I quickly fall asleep and then something wakes me up. My cat jumping on me, my husband snoring, our air conditioner kicking off (its an old house with an old unit and it literally goes BANG!! when it shuts off), or a few of my neighbors cats decide to perform West Side Story in my backyard.

Nevertheless, I wake up, and never return to sleep. I may lay there, sometimes fall into a light sleep state, but I never go back to sleep until around 6am. My husbands alarm goes off at 6:30am, thus giving me about 2 hours total of sleep a night. It's a cause of a lot of my issues.

This is why my face is broken out like a teenager. This is why I'm irritable. This is why I'm losing weight. My doctors solutions are all medicinal but I don't do well with drugs. The one time I took an ambien I was caught in this half awake half asleep state that lasted all night and nearly drove me crazy. Anything from the "nighttime formula" family just sends my heart into palpitations.

So, instead. I just lay there, sometimes I get up and do laundry, tonight I'm typing to you people. It's 4:14am. I've been awake since 11:45 when my cat decided to jump up on the bed straight onto my chest. I cry about this sometimes because all I want to do is sleep. But instead I lay there in a perpetual state of hot flashes that run over and over my body. It's my body trying to warm itself to fall back to sleep but somethings blocking the pathway.