Falling

Today was a bad day. I'll sum it up in my head before I go to sleep tonight as "it wasn't that bad, I'll think of it as a good day" but no amount of optimism is going to fool the left side of my brain. Last night was scary. My husband and I were busy looking at my sons wiener. It is red and a bit bloody so rightfully we are concerned. While wiener-gazing, we left the bath water running as it was filling up their little inflatable bath duck. Just as it hit my brain, hmmm, I probably should not have left that water running, I take a step back to peer down the hall into the bathroom. All I see are flailing legs in the air. My daughter decided to crawl into her bath herself but didn't quite make it all the way. I screamed her name and took off running. I got there just in time to yank her out as her arms thrashed all over the place as she tried to find a way out of the water she was submerged in. This my friends is how kids die. Parents don't pay attention and in an instant, something happens. She fell into her tub.

Today, I prepared lunch. I set up their highchairs like I do day in and day out. Step 1 - rest food on arm of couch. Step 2 - Go wake baby up. Step 3 - Place them in their highchair. Step 4 - Buckle them in and attach tray. Here at Step 4 is where things went horribly wrong. As I set my daughter in her seat, I reached behind her on my left side to grab the seat strap as I fumbled with the bottom strap with my other hand. We have been doing this seat thing for 8 months, 3 times a day, roughly 730 times with just my daughter alone. In those 730 times, nothing eventful has happened. Strap in baby, attach tray, give food, the end. This time however, my daughter looked at the food on the couch and decided that she wanted it NOW. She jumped for it, leaping out of the side of her chair and falling over it to my right. I managed to grab her ankle as her head plummeted towards our spanish tile floors. My ankle grab managed to slow her a bit but she still hit hard with a stomach turning thud. I SCREAMED her name, reminiscent of a Lifetime movie and reached down to grab her. I grabbed her and hugged her to my chest as hard as I could while sitting on the ground. She was crying a cry I had never heard before and it made me cry along with her. I just kept saying I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry over and over. It took all my strength to look at her face because I was afraid of what I was going to see. A huge goose-egg on her brow bone and one on her forehead. Already red and slightly greenish blue. My daughter fell out of her chair.

Tomorrow I have to take my son to Miami Children's Hospital. His right leg is smaller than his left (around). A full inch smaller. Is it lack of muscle development? Is it hip dysplasia? Is it a vessel block? I have no idea and neither did his pediatrician, so onto the experts. I first noticed it at around 12 months. The size difference that is. Then around 13 months he started falling, a lot. When he plays too long, he starts to limp and he looks as if he's in pain. Additionally, his hip pops in and out of place all day long. I hope it's nothing major and will require nothing more than a little physical therapy. I don't want my son to fall anymore.

These things happen, I know that, but it can't take away the pain you feel in your heart when you know your child is hurting. You do everything you know how to do to protect them and then you look away for a second and things happen. Both babies are sleeping peacefully in their cribs tonight, safe and sound. Someday soon though, the day will come (and it's coming!) when they learn how to crawl out of their cribs and fall to the ground. Sigh.