1. Keep a diaper bag in the car at all times. When you're pregnant people are always giving you free stuff. I got like 5 little cheap diaper bags from Similac and Enfamil. These are excellent for stuffing with a few diapers, unopened pack of wipes (they mold otherwise), a change of clothes (the onesies you don't like), a pacifier and a thin receiving blanket thing. I can't tell you how many times I was in a rush and forgot the real diaper bag at home, or my husband thought I grabbed it when I thought he grabbed it. We used our backup when we got to our destination and were very happy to have it. Because rest assured, when you forget your diaper bag, your kid will produce the largest poop you've ever seen and vomit food all over themselves.
2. Always keep 1 door open. If you are not in the car then one door should be open. The easiest is the driver side door but any door will do. Twice now my kids have locked the car. Had I not had a door open, they would have locked themselves in the car. And that makes for an embarrassing 911 call. Even if you put your child in their car seat and have that CRAP I forgot their shot record sheet moment, open up a door before you step away.
3. Have a prepaid cell phone in your glove box. They are cheap and available at any drug store. Mine is even still in the package. If something happens, and your cell phone is dead or forgotten, you have a backup. Obviously this is not to use to chat with an old friend during a trip to the mall. But if you get stranded or end up in trouble, you have a lifeline.
4. Put your purse or diaper bag in the backseat. This tip is mainly for working moms but if you have it in your backseat, you must go back there to get it. This saved the life of one of ifriend's daughter. She was in a rush, sleep deprived and totally forgot her daughter was in the backseat. Dad had put her in there, she had fallen asleep and mom was on autopilot on the way to work. Dad had set mom's purse back there (per habit) and when she opened the door to get it imagine her shock when she saw her baby back there and had to reroute to the daycare.
5. Be nice at the doctors office. Pediatricians, nurses, and office staff are overworked, underpaid and probably have a cold. There is no reason to get mad because you are waiting a long time. It is just how it goes. More often than not, smiling and being pleasant is going to get you extras than stomping around and being bitchy about the wait time.
6. Don't fight them. You will never win an argument against another mom. Every mom is right. If you are a modern parent and you encounter an attachment parent who starts giving you crap, smile and leave. Do not engage. If you are an attachment parent and someone tells you something you disagree with, smile and move on. There is zero point in debating parenting beliefs and theories.
7. Remember that you're alive. No matter how annoying or wrong your mom's advice is, remember that you survived their parenting skills. When they are screaming at you to put your baby to sleep on their stomach because you were a stomach sleeper, don't think they're trying to kill your baby. Sadly, most of the time they are right as well and you have to follow up with some pride swallowing.
8. Sex will save your marriage. You don't want to. You have no desire to. You're tired, you're cranky, you feel about as sexy as a flip-flop but men have a one-track mind. Don't take it away just to punish them for not having to grow a fetus.
9. Don't have a child unless you want one. There are a million reasons to not have a child. - If you're bored. - If it's just the next step. - If all your friends are having one. - If your dog died and you need a new pet. - Tax breaks. - You think it will save your marriage. - You think it will change your husband. - Your clock is ticking louder than your ovaries are popping.
I've seen so many people have children for the wrong reason. I had children for the wrong reason, I was told I couldn't have any. Screw you medical assholes, you say I can't have children, watch this shit! That's why when my little ones showed up, I walked around in a dumbfounded 'oh my God' daze. But I will say, even if you have them for the wrong reason, once they get here, you'll always wonder how you did without them. :)
10. Stay off the internet. I'm the worst about following this advice but it's so true. When you child has a fever, the internet will convince you that your child is dying of scurvy because you haven't introduced limes yet into their diet. Stay away.
and last but not least
11. Striving for perfection will only leave you perfectly unhappy.
No comments:
Post a Comment