Cravings

I'm not pregnant. Aunt Flo decided to come visit me this weekend and I couldn't have been happier. I've had some scary moments over the past week. I have had these cravings that are inexplicable. Ok, maybe not inexplicable because I'm about to explain them.

I walked into the grocery store to grab a few things. I saw the chocolate iced donuts in the bakery. I had to have them. I mean, give them to me now. I don't know how to say iced chocolate donut in spanish so I just aggressively pointed and said "dos por favor". The lady took her time and I tapped my foot. She slowly printed the label and put it on them as I rapped my fingers on the plastic case. Finally she handed them over. I walked around the corner so I could hide what I was about to do from everyone. I opened the container and ate both donuts in about 4 bites. It tasted like sex. Like the good stuff from college. Thank you cuban lady for satisfying my disgusting need for fats and sugars. Pack on some pounds my wimpy figure must have screamed from inside.

Last week I noticed that my husband had bought some beer. I don't really drink much anymore because it can really inconvenience your kids day when mom is sloshing around singing Top 40 songs into a long lego, piss ass drunk instead of passing out graham crackers. But, my husband opened one up and the smell wafted over in my direction. I had to have one. It didn't even taste all that great but I downed two beers in about 10 minutes. I didn't even get buzzed. I realized the beer was a stout and contained mucho complex B vitamins. My thyroid is still on the ape-shit express so I'm guessing my body was telling me it needed help.

Finally, while giving my kids their post-lunch treat I noticed that one of their little crunchies fell on the floor (it's like a baby cheeto). I bent down to pick it up but instead of giving it back to which ever clumsy child dropped it I ate it myself. Then I ate the rest of the can. I ended up drinking 3 bottles of water before bedtime and still got up in the middle of the night and drank another. My body was doing everything possible to flush out another little piece of kidney stone that had broken off from the last one. My kidneys directed me to consume the salt filled treats which then convinced my mouth and arm to heave more water down the pipes.

The human body is an amazing thing. Sometimes if we just listen to what it's telling us it can solve a lot of our health problems. Lately mine has been telling me to take better care of myself and also to slow down a bit. I can't make it through a single day without taking Advil or an Aleve. My kids weigh a ton and I don't know how much longer I can keep up the pace I'm going. Hopefully, I'll listen to my body enough before I end up in traction.