Please keep your mouth shut

My husband left for the land of "we like to kidnap white people" this afternoon and I ran about town. First to Sears to buy a sewing machine. Wow, how domestic of me right? I don't even know how to sew a button so I have a lot of work ahead of me. When I was in Home Ec in middle school we had to sew a pillow. I chose a heart pattern, when the teacher came over to grade it she said, "oh what a nice jelly bean".

Then we were off to the fabric store (Sears apparently doesn't sell thread). It was difficult to try and explain to a woman (who doesn't speak a lick of english) that you don't know what the hell you're doing but you need some thread type stuff to go in a machine so you can stick some fabric together. Color? I don't know, what color am I supposed to use?

Then to the grocery store. By the time we finished at the grocery store both kids had had it and so had I. They don't like getting thrown from carseats to stroller and back, nor does my back like lifting/wrestling them. So, we're on our way out to the car when some lady with a cigarette resting behind her ear says, "WOAH! Double Trouble!"

When I used to be a nice person and actually cared about strangers feelings, I would gently say, "no, more like a double blessing" and be on my way. Now a days, stuck in the closest latin american country to the US, I just stare. It's my most effective tactic when dealing with idiots. Blank, deadpan, stare. No one needs to make any comments to a mother of twins, with the exception of a few "que lindo or que linda"-s .

Things not to say to a mother of boy/girl twins part 1 of many

1. Aforementioned "Double Trouble"

2. Are they boys or girls?

3. Which one is smarter?

4. Which one do you like better?

5. Did you do in vitro?

6. Was it you or your husband that had a "problem"

7. Are they identical?

8. What were you thinking?

9. Oh wow, two college tuitions at once!

10. (My fav) Oh! I had my children 10 months apart from each other so it's just like I had twins too!

No, no it's not. Having a 10 month old and a newborn is nothing like having two newborn twins. A 10 month old is probably eating 3-4 meals a day. A newborn eats 8-12 times a day, around the clock and is either attached to your boob or getting fed in just enough time for them to take their next nap. So that's 16-24 feedings I'm doing in a 24 hour period at approx 45 minutes per feed. Don't tell me that "it's the same". What I would really like to say is, actually you must be in the 1% of women who came home from their 6 week post-partum check up and didn't lie to your husband about your clearance for sex. Your bad.

Ok, I'm off to try out my new sewing machine. Hopefully my daughter will actually sleep tonight instead of being up from 10:45 until 3am. Ya, last night was a blast.