Tracey Hogg touches on this in her books. She calls it the "Make 'Em Happy Epidemic". Our culture has been brought up to think that it is our job as parents to make our children happy. If they want it they get it. Closets become filled with toys and clothes pile up in drawers. After all, isn't it a child's right to be happy.
It is more important to me to create an atmosphere that will allow them to pursue their happiness, rather than me hand it to them. Daily I struggle with this. Advertisements show giggling laughing children clutching the latest and greatest toys in their sticky hands. Kids are hugging their parents for handing them a snickers. Companies want us to believe that it is my duty to make my kids happy by giving into their wishes. I disagree and take a different route.
Nowadays, if they've eaten too many crunchies (baby cheetos) but still want more, I have to give a firm no and put away the canister. It is met with anger and cries but I am not their friend, I am their mother. When we are at Target and they are grasping at all the toys, I put them back on the shelves because it is not a holiday or other appropriate toy giving time. That is met with tantrums and tears, but I am not their friend, I am their mother.
The worst crime I could commit to my children is making them believe that the world owes them happiness. Too often people confuse rights with privileges. Just as they are learning their ABCs and 123s, I want them to also learn how to be happy. It's not handed to you. You work towards it, you get what you give and you learn how to make yourself happy.
They also need to know that it is ok to be unhappy. Life is not in a constant flow of happy times. Often there are some really bad times, and they need to know how to work through them.
The time will come when I will become their friend. I think we have all gone through that transformation when one day we woke up and our parents became our friends. It happened to me after I got married and grew stronger after I had the babies.
It's much easier to "make 'em happy", but I know in the long run, if I can teach them to find happiness instead of expecting it, we'll all be better off.
Amen!
ReplyDelete"The worst crime I could commit to my children is making them believe that the world owes them happiness."
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite. I could not agree more with this. I have no concept of how difficult this is going to be, but this is how i like to think i would raise my kids.
You can seriously tell who the people are whose parents did the above and those who were raised the opposite. Well said mamma.
It is difficult because you want your kids to be happy. And you know if you buy them a new toy, they will be happy (temporarily), you know if you give them extra snacks they will be happy, but like anything, that will become the expected. Each time they go to the store they will start to expect a toy etc. So, it's best not to start in the first place. But that smile when they get what they want is so hard to ignore.
ReplyDeleteI went to a birthday party today for 2 twins turning 4. My kids would not get out of their bedroom - they were completely engrossed in all of the hundreds of thousands of toys that they had never seen before. I was up there for a few minutes checking on my 2 yr old...he's still not old enough to play on his own just yet...and I said, "What a fun bedroom!" One of the twin little girls responded: "It's too boring in here. There is nothing new...all of this stuff is old and boring, and we don't like it anymore." Wow.
ReplyDeleteYou are smart. In reality, what makes kids the happiest now and in the longrun is our time. Knowing that we love them enough to set healthy boundaries, and giving them our time as much as we can. My kids would rather me read them books any day than play with a new barbie or whatever. My daughter is always asking me to do something "with" her. This was a great post! I swear you truly need to read "Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World" !!!! I think you would love it.