Well, my kids are a bit unruly and it left me feeling a bit depressed today. I have read so much about child behavior that I have a tendency to over-understand what they are doing. They bite because humans are after all animals. Ever see a puppy that didn't bite? They hit because as a toddler their right brain is in control while the left brain is way behind and won't develop for a few years. So I have this annoying habit of justifying each "bad" thing they do.
I am also terrified of crumbling their self-esteems. Don't get me wrong, I don't want children who think they are God's greatest gift to this planet, but I don't want them constantly struggling for acceptance and approval much like my childhood. To this day I can hear my dad laughing about how I could eat an apple through a picket fence (huge bucked teeth) and hearing "dummy" each time I did something moderately stupid. I now understand humorous abuse is how my dad shows love, but to a 10 year old, it's mortifying.
We all have this annoying desire to fix our own childhoods though our children but if I don't start laying down some laws, I may have some really obnoxious brats on my hand soon. Much of their behavior came to head this weekend after my mom left. Grandma spoiled them, as grandma's should, and I was on my best "I don't yell at my children" behavior. Still to this day I can't stand to be criticized by my parents and if my mom thought I was too immature to handle them it would send me spiraling down my own self-worth ladder.
So back to this weekend. It was a....challenge. Anything we said no too, was done again with more enthusiasm and aggression. My daughter bit my son at least 3 times today alone. My son hit me in the face so many times I lost count. There was an electrical outlet outside that they loved trying to stick sticks into. My husband and I tried every tactic known to man to get them to stop and finally had to just give up and bring them in the house, to which both screamed and threw themselves to the floor. Small examples to a completely exhausting weekend (not to mention our daughter woke up screaming at 4:00am this morning and finally went back to sleep at 5:30am, we tried everything to help her but she finally just passed out from exhaustion we think).
The books all tell you that discipline should be handled in a caring and loving manner. I've read them all and tried all their tactics. But what are you supposed to do when caring and loving is countered with hitting and biting? My twosome could care less about time out, take toys away humph!, turn no's into positives, they just don't care. My children are very strong willed, they get it from their mom and dad. It's a trait that brought us together and has kept us together. It is why we are both successful people. So shouldn't I admire this quality in my children?
Who knows, maybe my parents did have it right. Getting the belt out sure did whip my brother and I into shape, but there has just got to be a better way. They are toddlers after all, this time will pass but man...no wonder parents hate this part.
Val, they are toddlers. Their job in life is to test the waters, try to push the limits. They are trying to find out what they can do and what they can't. It's what they are supposed to do. Don't beat yourself up over it. It will only get worse if they know they are getting under your skin. Decide on what kind of discipline tactics you are going to use and stick to them. It's not the technique that works so beautifully, but the consistency. And, again, they are toddlers, they are not going to get it the first time. It will take SEVERAL times...and your patience will be gone by the time they realize there is a consequence EACH TIME they do X. But, one day, you will look up and realize that they are not biting each other all of the time! Oh, and then the next thing will come along and you will again have to decide how to deal with that one...see! You still use your brain a TON while you are parenting! You are a good mom! Kids misbehave! Why else do they need parents to tell them and guide them and show them the RIGHT way? Kids push the limits. Don't beat yourself up!!!
ReplyDeleteyep...this is why toddlerhood is so difficult for me. I am a very rational person. Toddlers are not rational. I put a book back on the shelf tonight laying on its side. My son threw a fit and threw the book back at me. He wanted it standing up and down like the other ones. Lord.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't help that they can't verbalize what they want yet, and we don't always figure it out. That would piss me off too! How old are they? for some reason I was thinking around a year, but they must be older than that?
ReplyDelete15 months...we get shots tomorrow! grumble.
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