Today, at the park, (always with these run-in's at the park), we had just closed the gate and bent down to place our kids on the ground when I hear, "Are they twins, how old are they!?!" I look up to see that mom shining proudly down upon me. I rise up, take a quick assessment of how easily I can avoid this woman, then answer, "they're 14 months". She says "OH!". Pause. I clear my throat, "and how old is he?".
"He's 2 and a half years old." (at least she didn't say 30 months and 1 week). "But he's also a twin, his sister is right there!" Hmm...another twin mom, quick re-assessment. Is she wearing heels to the park, no-pretty casual...are her kids in designer clothes at a park, nope-normal...do her kids seem rowdy, nope-playing nicely...HEY!, maybe I could make a new friend and then we could.....
"OH, don't worry it will get better!" DAMMIT. FAIL.
I give my polite, thanks for nothing-smile and get back to my kids who are now tearing ass across the park.
"If you think they're a handful now, just you wait!" DAMMIT. DOUBLE FAIL.
Why, might you ask, do I hate these phrases. Because if you break them down, they're actually pretty rude. The first "it will get better" assumes that you are not happy with the situation as it is right now. You don't even know me, why make such an assumption? It's like looking at a little girl and saying, don't worry, you'll get prettier. I am perfectly happy with my children right now, yes they may cause me to spit knives here and there, but I'm peachy.
Second, it's obvious. Of course it is going to get better. Things always get easier the more you do them and as children grow towards independence of course it won't be so difficult. But then again, you could probably talk to a mom who has a 14 year old and she would pray for a 14 month old.
The second of the gruesome two-some "just you wait" implies that you have no freaking clue how hard they have it right now. You may have a newborn, but I have a toddler. You just wait until that screaming-up all night-spitting up-bundle of joy starts stomping your foot and screaming NO in the middle of McDonalds. It basically takes whatever problem you think you are having at the moment, negates it, and says, oh but it's going to get MUCH worse. Thanks for taking any joy I once thought I would have out of my future.
It, like the previous statement, is also obvious. Yes, believe it or not, I do know that thing are going to get much worse in the attitude department. I am terrified to imagine what my son is going to do. I've used up about 95% of my patience on him so I don't even know how I'm going to cope in a few months.
The other problem I had with this woman is that she was saying these things right in front of her kids and in front of mine. Why do parents think their children are deaf? How would you feel if your mom was talking smack about you while you were standing right there? (ok, we all have probably had our mom's do that anyway, so we all know how it hurts).
Anyway, I'm sure she was just trying to be friendly, but it came off poorly. She avoided me the whole rest of the time we were at the park and left without saying goodbye (she said buh-bye to other mom's she had introduced herself to). Most likely it was my blank stares that alerted her to my lack of interest in her advice, this is why I have no new friends in this town people.
I'm enjoying your blog! I'm not stalking you, I promise :) I used to blog all of the time, but don't have enough energy or interest to post my own stuff anymore.
ReplyDeleteI think it's hard for moms to not share their advice...it's like some weird club that we are part of now...I think part of it is just pure excitement that there is another human out there who might be experiencing something as crazy as we are and actually wants to talk about it!! But it certainly gets old to have the kind of advice you don't need or like! I only use the "just you wait" when someone is looking at me or my kids like they are horrible, because then they deserve it!!
I hate getting the kind of comment that assumes I'm not a good enough mom, even if you have no idea how I parent or haven't spent enough time with my kids to know them.
Remember those friends that were here to visit with their new baby? I just got an email from the "dad" letting me know he ordered me a parenting book. I'm not sure what to do with that one. Seriously? You ordered me a book? Geez, I was feeling like a really good mom until I got that email. I love parenting books. Most of them, some of them I swear were written by the devil himself, but I am always encouraged by reading the experts. I don't think I'll be reading this one coming in the mail, however, just because I'm a bit pissed off about it.
awww...I think it's sweet he sent you a book...you should send him this one in return to say thank you
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/Coping-Erectile-Dysfunction-Regain-Confidence/dp/1572243864/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252289318&sr=1-1
Oh my. I especially hate the you have no idea how easy you have it talk from people with older kids. I am usually outwardly polite and just stop listening. Let's face it, I don't want to hear it. I have one friend who has always been really bad about that. She had two kids before we had any and then number three showed up this year. I can't tell you how many times she called complaining about the difficulties of a newborn. This after she spent the last three years telling me how easy babies are to manage.
ReplyDeleteThe other one that burns me is "oh, you don't understand, you have two girls". I'll grant them that Annabeth is really easy. Happy, bookish, great attitude. Savannah is a whole other ball of wax. She is busy, highly sensitive and difficult. I guess I will get to pay them back in the tween years and tell them they don't understand because they don't have girls. Anyway, great post. Hope all is well.
Haha! I actually think that may be too kind. :)
ReplyDelete