Toughen up.

I'm not the world's best gardener. In fact, I'm pretty bad at it. In Miami, it was easy, everything grows there and you can throw a rock and find someone to take care of it for you. Back here in Texas, gardening is taking hard work and lots of sweat equity.

Yesterday I was out weeding while the kids were playing in the backyard with me. The backyard was in such bad shape that some of the weeds were indistinguishable from all the bulb flowers I've got going on in the garden. But I had an easy system. Simple tug. If it came out, it was a weed if it didn't, it was a bulb.

As my kids played in yard they whined here and there about various things. She took my toy, he touched my toy, he looked in the direction and possibly thought about taking my toy. My answer, "Figure it out!" I yelled across the yard. They quickly got the sense that mom wasn't going to referee. I referee all day and so much, I'm thinking about getting a cool stripy shirt.

Then as my kids fell in various places, got their shoes stuck in the mud, got dirt and grass on their hands, they'd cry out and shed a few alligator tears. Not so much my son, he doesn't care, but my daughter doesn't like to be dirty or fall to her knees...even in soft grass.

My response was a haunting reminder of my childhood. "Toughen up!" I'd yell while digging through the immense weeds and clover. She'd whine a bit more then stand up and keep walking. "Toughen up young lady!".

My childhood was not worthy of a Lifetime movie but I was definitely expected to be thick skinned. It made me who I am today. There's not a situation or a crisis I can't handle with a calm head. I'm tough. I'm resilient. I can change my own oil and filter. It's all I've ever known.

I thought about my gardening technique. Picking off the weak ones. If your roots weren't hanging tight, you got thrown in the trash. Those with thick tough skin were spared and lived another day. I'm going to have to find a balance.

I want my kids to be thick skinned but not so thick they resent me for it. There's a lot of anger in my childhood that over the years I've learned how to erase. I have no desire to perpetuate the past but kids today need to learn how to dust themselves off and keep going. Establish their long deep roots so that when life tries to pick them off, they can hold firm and persist.

(instead of crying wolf and filing a lawsuit).