Divorce

I never thought about divorce until I had kids. In no way shape or form do I want to divorce my husband but the thought of it had never even crossed my mind pre-kids.

N^3 and I were talking about this and it is true. Before you have kids, you view divorce as, well if your husband is an asshole, or cheats on you, or doesn't put away the dishes, just divorce his ass, be a strong woman and move on with your life. Women who stay in shitty relationships are weaklings.

Yet, once the little ones pop out, it becomes clear the complications of divorce. More needs have to be met. When it's just you and your man, the only one you need to take care of is yourself when you leave the relationship. When you have children they instantly zoom up into the top priority of life. Staying together so the kids will not have to endure the separation, the alternating weekends, the stigma of having divorced parents. Also, there is a huge financial component to deal with. Kids are freaking expensive. They aren't expensive as in, oh I'll have to stop drinking my daily Starbucks expensive, think, holy crap I can't get my hair cut without going broke expensive.

If you are a stay at home mom, what are you supposed to do? If you separate you have to go back to work to support your kids, which means you won't see them, which means your life with your children is strained. Spending time with your kids may be worth it to endure a failed marriage. How crazy does that sound when you're not a parent yet.

If you are already working how are you supposed to be a single parent when you've gotten so used to the swing of dual parenting? You probably hate how little time you get to spend with your child, now it's going to be even less because you are going to have to share custody!

Anyway, crazy topic, but it's amazing to me how in your early 20s you just think you know everything. When you get married you really think you know everything and when you have a baby you think you know everything. What's the next step? I feel pretty knowledgeable right now. What do I have no idea about.....

(once again reiterating: happy in my marriage, no desire for divorce, thinking out loud...ok creeping back out the door)