That Mom

I don't want to be her. I try my best not to be her. That mom. The one who is such an overachiever her child knows 5 languages (one of which is latin) by age 3. The one who is so proud of their child the only words that come from her mouth are those meant to make you feel like your kid is inadequate. Every mom has that mom deep within her, it's whether or not you make her appear that shows your strength. I met that mom at the park today.

Her first question. "How old is he?" While to the inexperienced this may seem like a harmless question, a simple getting to know you question, as innocent as mentioning the weather. But no. no.no.no. This question should always be a giant red flag that you are talking to that mom. The reason why that mom wants to know your child's age is so that she can do a quick "how does my child rank" analysis in her head or she wants you to ask her child's age so she can impress you.

("How old is he?") ..."14 months" I respond. She said, "oh." I sigh and say flatly..."how old is he?" She says, "9 and one half weeks." Second red flag. Any mom who includes weeks in her child's age is that mom.

Why was this woman wanting to start this conversation? Simple, so I could see that her 9 and one half week old was walking. I obliged. "Wow, 9 and a half weeks and he walking, good for you." I had meant to say "...good for him" but "for you" slipped out. Her reply, "thanks!". Yep. That mom.

Of course I am proud of my children and of course I do that mom things. My children are sleep trained, I make their food, they do sign language, all those obnoxious things that some mom's can't keep their mouth closed about and yes, my kids are ahead of the curve, but good for them.

I want to scream "what the hell are you doing!" when I see a 6 month old at the grocery store at 9pm or sneer at the women who ignore their kids so they can focus on their iPhone.

I judge every parent that I see, it's motherly nature, but I try to keep that mom repressed deep down inside so it is not blatantly obvious that I am in fact a first time mom who thinks she knows it all.

I know a lot, but I know a lot about my children, your child, I'm clueless, and that is what I try my best to remember. Especially when your 11 months and 3 week old is drinking Pepsi out of his bottle.

The lady at the park did not look like she was having any fun. She forced her 9 and one half month old up onto the jungle gym, forced him to slide down a slide, forced him to climb down steps, all with her hand pushing his perfectly cloth diapered tush. He wasn't ready. He fell on the stairs and cried, she picked him up and made him do it again. His dad put him in the infant swing and pushed higher and higher. I cringed watching his neck snap backwards when he reached each apex. Too soon mom and dad, stop pushing.